My Love

I’m linking up today with Andrea for Show and Tell Tuesday!

At 31 years old, I had honestly thought my life would have already been settled… a husband and kids would’ve been checked off that list. But they weren’t.  In May of of 2015, I went on a blind group date and met the man I get to call mine! The last person I will ever say “I love you” to again.  The person I get to wake up beside for hopefully countless mornings to come.  He gets me and loves me unconditionally.  That’s all I ever wanted.  To find the man who would never give up on me, that I would be enough for, and love me unconditionally.  I can’t thank God enough for sending him into my life.

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Blake is such a hard worker for us.  He works two jobs.  Sometimes 12 hour days.  He wakes up early and gets home late.  He still manages to help with laundry or cleaning without (much) complaint.  🙂 He gives up stuff he wants to do for stuff I want to do.  He lets me fall asleep on him and snuggle with him in the mornings.  He wakes me up to walk him to the door so I can kiss him goodbye each morning.  He lets me read our nightly devotional and pray together.  He listens to me.  He goes to church with me when he isn’t working on Sundays.  He lets me have girl nights and spend money on pedi/mani and wine night.  He is content to sit on the couch with me and watch a netflix show.   He eats my cooking.  He would give me the moon if I asked for it.  He is my person!

Sometimes when I think of how old I was before I met Blake, I wish I could go back in time and meet him sooner.  But that may not have worked out due to our age difference.  I know we met each other at the perfect time for us.  Plus even though I have regrets about some relationships I would erase, all of those made me who I am and brought me on the path to meet Blake.

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So even though this post is geared toward our Love, I have a past Love I want to talk about. Maybe more for the preservation of having it permanently in my blog so I can have it documented.  Maybe because it’s therapeutic to write about it.  In no way is it meant to be disrespectful to my husband or marriage.  It’s just a part of my life before him.

You never know how you will feel about something until it happens.  And my little world was rocked a couple of days ago. I feel like pieces of your heart at times can belong to different people.  I think your first love will always have a place or a piece in your heart.  At least that’s how it is for me.  Saturday morning a little piece of my heart broke.  My first real love, my first boyfriend, the first boy I ever said I love you to, the first boy who ever told me he loved me, my senior prom date, the first boy I ever talked a future with, left this earth so very unexpectedly in a car accident that it has left so many shocked and in disbelief.  I can’t explain the sadness I feel.  And I never expected to feel this upset.  Maybe its our age.  He was 32.  Maybe its that we still called each other friends and never lost touch.  Maybe its because our history is so intertwined and connected.  It’s probably all those reasons and others.  He just meant a lot to me.  I can’t think of high school senior year, the first two years of college, and or the period in my life from 17-21 without him being in those memories.  Even after we weren’t officially together, it took awhile for us to really give each other up.  We had some REALLY rocky times.  We were young.  Its hard to know how to navigate those times.  At times we acted crazy.  He’s the only guy I have ever gotten slapped for by another girl.  So of course we had times that we just weren’t good for each other.  But I remember so many good times outweighing the bad ones.  And if I could choose to relieve any time period, it would be my freshman and sophomore year of college.  They were just two really fun years.  He went into the Air National Guard.  One of the first people he called  or texted when he got his phone back, was me.  And when he got back home, it was me again.  I vividly remember sitting in the Ole Miss DeSoto parking lot and his phone number popping up on my phone.  I remember meeting up with him.  Our mutual friend told me that all the guys at basic training ran with their iPod holders on their arms and kept pictures of their girls in it.  We weren’t together during that time, but it was my picture in that plastic sleeve.  My first broadway play (Beauty and the Beast) and time at The Orpheum was with him.  The first time I saw John Mayer was with him.  We had pizza together one evening a couple years ago.  He texted me when my grandfather died.  He told me congratulations when I got married.  I saw him in November.  He came up and gave me a big hug and introduced himself to my husband.  I know it was awkward for him to walk over but he did.  And man, I am so glad now that he did.  That is the last time I saw him.  I have told several people these last couple of days, that I always thought if I were dying and had the opportunity to call people in to tell good-bye, I would most definitely want the opportunity to tell him good-bye.  I think that’s one reason I’m so upset.  I think I still had stuff to tell him.  But now I can’t.  So don’t let those times slip by.  Someone told me yesterday how special it was I was part of so many memories and got to be a part of his life.  And while I may have not been an active part in the past few years, I am so glad I was part of the years we had together.  I am so glad I kept the things I did.  I have CD’s he made me and so many pictures.  And I am so glad I can close my eyes and remember so many times with him.  I really hope I get to see him again one day.



If you are a praying person, I know his family would appreciate prayers in the days ahead. Thanks for letting me share a small part of him here today. 

Hope you and yours have a Happy Valentine’s Day!  

XOXO-Sarah 

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